he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
