I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize