PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
