Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
