that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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