why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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