Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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