I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
