We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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