Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
