apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
