I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
