No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
