All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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