dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize