i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
