Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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