If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
