I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I could make wine with my vomit
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
