It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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