I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I am one with the molecules
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
