Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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