Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
