Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
