It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize