i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
