What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
