can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
