masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
