she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
