i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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