my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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