Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
