More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
do nipples grow back?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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