Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I can text with my tongue
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
