Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
