his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
