He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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