Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She said her name was "party"
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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