Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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