Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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