Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
