its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
