Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
