your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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