how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
