Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
