Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize