I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
