I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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