I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
