we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
