I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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