You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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