she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm just crazy horny about you
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
