He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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