My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
