Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
