He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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