i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
