Who did Billy Mays play for?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
