she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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