I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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