can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
