Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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