just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
