PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
