there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
