we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
