Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
