Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
