so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
