Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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