I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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