I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
