I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
