the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize