He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He has the fingertips of a God
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