piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
