you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
