i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
