i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize