So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
