i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I want her autograph on my taint
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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