Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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