Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
