Soap is not a condiment
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
