My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
4 words: hood of his car
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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