I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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