my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
organizing the empties. That sober.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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