he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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