u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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