I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's just like the Real World with babies
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
