This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
