what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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