i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
