I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
