WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
