I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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